Not Gonna Wait For You Forever
by smurfette-is-on-waterskis
Summary: Alex and Paige, so much is against them will they ever be able to be together? Marco, the ticking time bomb who can't catch a break in love. Craig and Ellie, the question seems not to be will he hurt her again, but when. Class of 06, going out with a bang
1. Sometimes I Won't Give in to You

Not Gonna Wait For You Forever

Chapter One: Sometimes I Won't Give In To You

"Paige I'm in trouble. This isn't really related to any table collisions that happened tonight. It's a different kind of trouble." Alex said.

She hadn't really noticed her face leaning in towards Paige's. Subconscious desire just took over. Her head turns slightly, and her eyes lock on Paige's perfect pillowy lips. She leans in for a soft kiss, and to her surprise it is Paige's mouth that opens to intensify the kiss. For a moment, Paige's smooth pink tongue slides against her own. It sends a heat wave through her body. Then she falls back to reality as Paige abruptly ends the kiss. Paige scoots away just slightly.

"Alex, what are you doing? Come on, I was joking." She says, throwing in a convincing giggle. No amount of laughter could hide the sheer desire. Alex just leans into her, causing her to have to lean on her elbows, almost lying on the floor now. Alex slides her hands up Paige's legs, and up her short skirt. Her hands dangerously close to going where no friends hands should go, she suddenly grips her hands around her thighs, pressing on a nerve that causes Paige to quiver in ecstasy and gasp. Her lips touch Paige's again, then trail down just slightly to the area between her bottom lip and chin.

"I know how it makes you feel" she says, gripping her again, almost sending her over the edge. On shaky legs, Paige stands.

"No. This isn't happening, I'll sleep on the couch, and you can sleep in here." Paige says walking out of the room.

Alex sighs sounding like air being let out of a balloon. Her head becomes to heavy to support itself so she closes her eyes and lets it drop into her hands. She knew how much Paige felt for her, she knew because she felt it to and she saw it in her eyes. Her hair smelled like apples. Her forbidden fruit. All she could think about was the warmth inside of Paige's mouth, the way her body tightened when she squeezed her thighs. Then she thought of how she was always there for her, and about the way that she makes her laugh. She thought about how Paige always knew what to say. She knew deep down that she was falling in love.

Paige leaned over the couch, mechanically making her bed for the night. She refused to think about Alex or anything that had happened. It was terrifying for her. She liked someone that she wasn't supposed to like. She tried to deny how Alex made her feel to everyone, especially herself but it didn't keep her from having dreams about her. It didn't keep her from opening her mouth to her ten minutes beforehand. She closes her eyes and indulges in the moment once more, then shakes it off and goes to sleep.

Alex tried for three hours, but just could not sleep. So much had happened that day. She couldn't believe that she had let Paige see her house, and the whole fight. It absolutely humiliated her. It also humiliated her that Paige walked away. She had dreamed of that moment so many times, but she had never pictured it going like that. She just kept feeling her thighs on her fingertips, their lips gripping each other. She turns to her stomach and slams her face into Paige's pillow to yell, hoping to clear her mind a bit. As she inhales she smells the sweet smell of apples… and for the first time in a very long time, a tear escapes her eye.

Paige wakes for about the seventeenth time at around 3:00 AM. She sighs dramatically and pounds the couch in frustration. It was nothing, Alex came on to her so she has nothing to worry about. So why can't she sleep? There was no reason that she should like Alex that way I mean… she was a girl… even if Alex was always the one who was there for her, even if Alex was the one who held her hand when everyone else abandoned her, even if Alex was the most beautiful person that she had seen in her entire life…


	2. Sometimes I Give in to Sadness

Not Gonna Wait For You Forever

Chapter Two: Sometimes I Give Into Sadness

"Are you going to talk to me Paige?" Alex asks, sitting Indian-style with a pillow in her lap on Paige's bed, watching her get ready. Alex herself on the other hand, had been ready for over twenty minutes.

"I am talking to you. See me? Talk, talk, talk." She says, smiling awkwardly and applying mascara.

"You know what I mean." Alex says seriously. She pauses for a moment. She's never enjoyed confrontation like this. She regains composure and continues applying her make-up.

"It's not a big deal." She says. The one hurt Alex. She got up and went to the kitchen. It was a big deal. It was a really big deal to her.

"I was just messing with you anyway. You're right. It's no big deal." Alex says with a smile on the way to school. She always has been great at masking her emotions.

"You were?" Paige asks, a strange look coming over her face.

"Yeah… what's wrong?" Alex asks curiously.

"Oh nothing, nothing." She says. Paige was a terrible liar, but Alex couldn't quite pick up on what was wrong and didn't want to push her any farther.

"So were still friends right? Cause I don't really have very many friends and I don't want to lose you…" Alex says, watching her face intently, gauging for a reaction.

"Yeah, of course we are." Paige says, pulling into her parking space and killing the engine. She suddenly realized that she was being watched. She turns to Alex and can see the disappointment in her face.

"You are my best friend Alex. Everyone may think that you are crazy or mean, but I know the real you. And you know me better than anyone. I need you, and I want to be there for you to." Paige says grabbing her hand gently. Alex smiles. She feels the moment getting to serious and wants to kiss her again. She knows that she can't.

"Big lesbo." She says jokingly as she tosses her hand. Paige gives a snort of laughter and they exit the car, linking arms on there way inside.

Alex sits in Earth/Space Science next to Ellie Nash, another one of her close friends. She usually can pay attention for at least a little while but today the lecture is just over her head. Instead she is looking at Ellie. She always watches the teacher intently, even though she could not show up for a day of lecture and pass all of the tests with flying colors. What she's watching at the moment though, is her arms. She's wearing a long-sleeved black jacket with a white broken heart on the left side of her chest, but in the stuffy room she has pushed the sleeves up to her elbows. Alex is proud of her for being brave enough to let her scars show. There are a lot of them, overlapping and stacked all over her arm. Alex slides a hand under her black tank top along her sides. She feels the wide, rope like scars that cover them. She closes her eyes and remembers her sophomore year.

She has never spoken out loud about it. No one knows. She always managed to keep Jay's hands away from her sides, and refused to get intimate with him unless it was pitch black. Her only other scars are by her ankles, but they weren't deep enough to be raised or pink. They have faded to a shade just slightly paler than her actual skin tone. She almost told Paige once, but she lost her nerve. Right now all she could think about was bleeding. She took a deep breath and dug her nails into her sides just enough to hurt slightly and calm her down. It usually worked flawlessly and it just took a little bit of pressure to keep her hanging on. But this time, it doesn't work. All she can think about is running to the washroom and cutting herself open. She had almost forgotten that she was looking at Ellie's arms, but remembered when Ellie self-consciously pulled her sleeves down and sat on her hands, nervously biting at her lip.

"I'm sorry Elle, I didn't mean to stare. You shouldn't be ashamed." I say, feeling terrible.

"Well, I am. I try not to be but I am." She says, looking at the table.

"Look at me." I say. Her reluctant eyes meet Alex's and you can still see the shame in her eyes. Alex puts a hand on hers.

"You have come so far, you are so strong and I am proud of you." Alex says looking her deeply in the eyes, like not many people do.

"Thank you Alex." She says quietly, a little embarrassed by Alex's comment.

Neither of them saw Paige walking past. She was going to get something out of her locker when she Alex caught her eye. She glanced in through the window and saw her hand on Ellie's, both of them smiling at each other. She couldn't help but feel jealous. She had always thought that Ellie was so much prettier than her, and so much deeper and more talented. Alex said that she was just joking though, she's not really a lesbian. I'm not a lesbian either… I'm not… She thought firmly to herself as she pried herself away from the window and to her locker.

"Marco, we really need to talk." Tim said sitting down beside him at lunch. Marco had been laughing and joking around with his friends, but the laughter stopped and the smiles faded into an awkward silence with those words.

"Okay." He says, wiping his mouth and following Tim to a quiet area by a tree. This used to be where they would go to cuddle and talk about the future.

"It's just not working out Marco." Tim says, his hands deep in his pockets, unable to look Marco in the eye. A pain deep within Marco began to grow.

"Not working? It's been working wonderfully? What happened? What's really going on Tim?" He says, not letting his emotion show.

"That's it Marco. I want out. It's over." He says walking away and leaving Marco alone standing in the taunting shade of the tree… the tree that used to be their tree.

Marco sat down Indian-style on the ground, eyebrows furrowed with his deep thought. He wanted so terribly to cry. Every time that the feeling would grip his throat he would just bury it in the pit of his stomach. His elbows rested on his knees and his fists supported his head. His entire body was so tense that his muscles were growing sore with fatigue but he doesn't even notice.

"Marco?"

The voice startled him, it was evident in the fact that his entire body jumped and that he blinked for the first time in almost two-minutes. He didn't turn his head though. He just sat staring. The voice that usually brought a since of comfort to him did nothing now. He just wanted to cry. He wanted to be with Tim.

"Marco what happened?" Marco didn't answer.

Her hand touches his shoulder and he jumps again. He feels her warmth through his plain grey t-shirt, and he realizes that he wants her to comfort him. Aside from Ellie, she is his best friend. She sits next to him.

"It's okay. You don't have to talk. I'm here though. I've had a lot of guy trouble to so I'm sure I'd understand if you'd talk to me." She says trying to get him to look at her.

"I don't want to talk right now. If I talk I'll break down and I can't do that here." He says in a voice reminiscent of a pouty little boy.

"That's okay. I'm always here though." She says.

"Thanks Manny." He says, laying his head on her shoulder.

"Alex!" Craig said for the third time swaying his hand in front of her face to get her attention. He inhales deeply and shakes her head snapping back to reality.

"Oh sorry, what were you saying?" She asks as though nothing happened.

"Are you okay? You've been spacing out on us." He says with a smile, concern still lighting in his eyes.

"Yeah I'm fine, I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night." She says, more to Paige than anyone. She looks to her tray as though she doesn't see her there.

It's not just the situation with her and Paige that has her distracted. She is still thinking about hurting herself. Even though she looks so strong on the outside, she holds so much hurt inside. She's survived more junk than any ten people should ever have to. And she keeps it all inside.

"Come on, you're not okay, you're never this quiet especially at lunch." Ellie says, looking at her with empathy. Ellie knows a person who has gone through a lot when she sees one. She knows that there is more than what Alex is saying.

"Really, I'll be fine." Alex says giving her a reassuring smile.

For awhile then, it is like everything is normal. They are all just sitting around the table joking and laughing like they always do. Paige and Alex laughing the hardest. Alex loves these moments. When nothing really matters. They never last long but she always has to stop and savor them for a moment. Seeing them all laughing and happy in the golden sunlight, it's how she wants to remember them. It never takes to long for it to end.

"Thanks for earlier, I really mean it Alex." Ellie says, looking deep into her face. Alex quickly looks away, afraid that she'll see her struggle.

"Anytime. We're friends, it's what we do." Alex says.

"Well, you're one of the best." Ellie says. Alex knows the look on Ellie's face. Alex herself had had the same look earlier in the morning when She was talking to Paige.

"So are you." Alex says with a sincere smile. She pats her hand and sees that she has not disappointed Ellie with her reaction.

"I'll be back, I need to use the washroom." Alex says standing.

"I'll go with if you want." Paige says.

"No, I'll be right back." She says, trying not to sound to insistent.

"Okay." Paige says curiously as she sits back down.

Alex walks, arms tightly folded, avoiding eye contact all the way to the washroom. This was a far cry from her usual over-confident kick-ass strut that she walked with every other day. Today she wasn't feeling confident. Today she was hating herself. She entered the washroom and saw that no one else was inside. She entered a stall and closed the door. She had heard what happened with Ellie and she didn't want to repeat the mistake. She reached to the inside of her left boot. She had a knife hidden inside. How typically hardcore. She looked at its shiny edge. It wasn't her first choice but it would have to do. She lifted her top and made a deep horizontal line on her left side on one of the few bare spots. And she finally breathed. It had been over a year since it had last happened. Sometimes, you have to give into sadness.


	3. River to Nowhere

Not Gonna Wait For You Forever

Chapter Three: River to Nowhere

She can't get over the strange feeling. She has the normal relief that she has always gotten from her injuries, and yet she is feeling something different. Guilt and anxiety. She couldn't understand why she felt this way. It has been her secret for several years now, why would that change now? She turns the corner bumping right into Paige. It all suddenly makes sense… I had never had anyone to feel guilt about.

"Alex, I was getting worried thought you got lost." She says kind of jokingly.

"Nope, Not lost just fine. I am fine so let's eat, you know at the table." Alex says nervously gesturing towards the table.

"Alright… you are acting so weird Al. and I have to ask you something." She says.

""What's up Blondie." Alex says with a smile, Paige's comfort never failing to soothe her.

"I saw you today in some science class… you were holding Ellie's hand." She says. At first Alex took it as concern, but there was something else that she couldn't quite put her finger on. It was jealousy.

"Oh gosh Paige, I know I'm pretty hardcore but that doesn't mean that you get to whirl around insults about me being gay." Alex says, with anger.

"I'm sorry I just look into a room and I see you holding her hand, and the way you were looking at each other…" Her voice trails off.

"So you assume we're gay for each other." Alex says, making it sound ridiculous.

"Just… what happened." She says, looking like a little kid.

"You of all people know how self-conscious she is. She actually had pulled her sleeves up and I could see her arms. She saw me looking and covered them. I was reassuring her of how great she was and that it was okay." Alex says, clearly deeply affected by this as she is no longer looking at Paige but watching Ellie looking very lonely and neglected at the table as Craig acts like an idiot with Jimmy. Craig doesn't mean to ignore her, He's just oblivious. Ellie doesn't deserve that though.

"Looks like we need to go rescue our girl." Paige says, looking somehow relieved and nodding towards their dark friend.

Alex smiles in agreement and they walked together back to the table. Paige instantly starts talking to Ellie, while Alex slides between Jimmy and Craig. She stares at him for a moment with intimidating glare. He instantly looks scared and looks around as though trying to find what he had done wrong, or maybe for someone to save him from the wrath of Alex.

"You see that girl down there?" She says in an I'm-gonna-kick-your-ass tone, not looking at Ellie but pointing to her and staring straight into Craig.

"Um. ye, yeah" He says, clearing his throat.

"That girl is wonderful. She loves you. She bends over backwards to be what you want, but you know what she's not Manny."

"I don't want Manny I.." He starts to protest.

"No, I speak you listen are we clear?" She says through her teeth, thrusting a finger in his face.

"You take care of her, Or I will kill you. And I swear to God, I will KILL you. All she wants is a little love and attention. And you are going to give it to am I clear?" She demands.

"Yes… yes ma'am." He says seriously.

"Good." She says with a smile, anger and seriousness melting away.

She moves to her usual spot next to Ellie and across from Paige and they begin normal lunchtime conversation for the last five minutes of lunch. Paige winks at Alex, having overheard most of her conversation with Craig. She then nods in approval. They smile at each other.

"Marco. It's okay to cry if you want. Tim meant a lot to you." Manny says.

"No, I'm not going to cry here. Not here." He says forcefully, voice tightening slightly with emotion.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of." She starts but is cutoff.

"Yes there is. Anyone else can cry and it's no big deal, or they get help. If I cry than everyone wants to come watch and laugh. Oh look Marco the little fag queen is crying what a pansy, what did he find a run in his hose? That's what happens when I cry." He says, having to stop at the end to sniffle, still burying his emotion.

"I'm sorry, I had no idea… come here." She says standing and extending her hand. He was hesitant at first, so she began to plead with her eyes. He slowly takes her hand and she leads him through the school. She finds an empty janitor's closet. She closes the door behind them.

"Now go…" She says watching him.

"What? Manny, I don't know what you are expecting of me, but I don't roll that way." He says, unable to laugh at his own joke.

"No, I'm not that much of a whore." She says slapping his chest.

"Cry. Just cry." She says gesturing to the fact that no one was there but them. He doesn't say much, but soon his eyes meet the ground and his face goes from stern concentration to pained grief. Manny grabs his hands.

"It's okay, just let it out." She says. A single tear falls down his cheek. She quickly wipes it away.

"There we go baby, just let it out." She says, falling into an embrace.

He shakes in her arms, crying to hard for the tears to come out, just shaking and convulsing. Soon, the sobs are slightly harder and deeper and tears start to flow. He calms some more after that, and just lets her stroke his curly hair.

"What can I do for you Marco?" Manny asks.

"You mean other than what you've already done? Hook me up with a hot guy… in like a month or so." He says, wiping his tears and realizing that he wasn't ready for another guy yet. Once his eyes were no longer red and they heard the bell ring, they walked out into the hallway.

"Thank you Manny. You're my girl!" he says kissing her cheek. She smiles as he walks away to go to class.

"Someone has a new fag hag." She hears behind her, she turns quickly, at first ready to fight but the n realizing that she isn't the best fighter, and it is a large grade 12 male hockey player, she decided against it. She did always have one good weapon, one that never ever failed.

"I'll tell Alex that you were messing with Marco!" She says. The laughter and smiles disappear immediately.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it really." He says, friends echoing their apologies. She smiles and walks to class. It felt good to almost stand up for what you believe in.

"Alex, do your homework!" Paige whispers, waking her friend who had managed to drool all over her geometry book.

"NO, busy sleeping, call back later." She mumbles sleepily.

"Come on, wake up! You need to catch up on your homework." Paige insists. Alex groans in disapproval as she sits up.

"Ughhh, It doesn't matter anyway! It's not like university is an option for me." She says, eyes still hardly open.

"You are smart, really smart you just to apply yourself Alex." Paige insists, all the while working on her homework.

"No, you are smart. I am not. I am a loser, I am going no where. You are going… wherever you want to go." Alex say. For the first time Paige stops what she is doing and looks at Alex.

"Hello are you blind? You don't even see your own potential. I have seen your test grades. They may have started out at C's, but you have been pulling straight A's since mid-term!" she says intensely.

"If I'm so smart than why do I have a D in this class?" Alex asks, still not fully awake.

"Because you don't turn in your homework. You act like you're in the same boat as your family just because they all dropped out, but look at you! you're a great big senior! You are going to graduate and if you would apply yourself, you would have university. I know you can." She says.

"Whatever you say." Alex says, trying to pretend that it doesn't affect her. Then she grabs her pencil and beat Paige at finishing the homework.

"You aren't on the river to nowhere. You are going… anywhere you want." Paige whispers, her chin on Alex's shoulder.

Though she couldn't say it out loud, She knew exactly where she wanted to go… wherever Paige was going.


	4. Strong Enough Part I

Not Gonna Wait For You Forever

Chapter Four: Strong Enough Part I

"I'm sorry Elle." Craig whispers into her gorgeous red tresses.

"mmm… for what?" She asks drowsy with happiness.

"I ignored you today." He says. Neither one of them open their eyes, they are to warm and happy lying in each other's arms in Ellie's bed.

"I didn't mean to, I just didn't think about it." He says. Her smile drifts slowly away at his words.

"No, I'm sorry that came out wrong. I do think about you, all the time actually, I just…" He can't quite get his thoughts out.

"You make me happy Ellie. But this scares me because I've never been in a relationship like this. You're different. With Ash, yeah I loved her a lot, she was my first love but her emotions were insane and mine were insane and we couldn't keep up with each other. With Manny… it was pure lust in the end she didn't mean anything to me I was blind. But it's you that made me see again. I love you Ellie Nash." He says stroking her face.

"I love you too Craig Manning." She says, completely embarrassed.

He starts running his finger tips up and down her arm, feeling goose bumps rise all over them. They both smile and he giggles slightly. She loves it when he does this, it makes her totally melt. His fingertips suddenly touch a large raised scar that had been under the covers and they both jump slightly opening their eyes. He looks at the purple rope-like scar.

'This is it,' she thinks to herself 'this is the moment when he runs away.'

He pushes the purple comforter down some and looks at the rest of her scar ridden arm. His fingertips levitate over them for a moment. Then he comes into gentle contact with them. He runs his fingers over her forearm. He watches as his fingers rise and fall with the hills and valleys of her arm. Her entire body tenses up. She wants to allow him this part of her but it is suddenly too much.

"Stop!" She yells jumping out of bed and grabbing her jacket. She thrusts it on with much more force than needed and stands there trying to not to cry.

"Ellie, I just want to understand you. I want to know everything about you. It's okay!" He says standing and reaching his arms out to hold her. She leans away from his touch.

"I'm sorry but I can't, I just can't please just go." She says, now overcome with emotion. He looks at her for a moment.

"I'll call you later." He says swallowing hard and walking out the door.

She finally lets a tear fall then brushes it away. She climbs onto her bed and looks at her arms. The newest are about a year old. Then she looks straight ahead and rolls up her pant legs, cold air hitting the scars that are only about a month old. She had only stopped a month ago and it was still all that she could think about. All of her bravery, all of her recovery, all of her inspirational help was all a bunch of lies. She knows deep down that vulnerability is the only way to heal, but who could possibly understand? Was Craig strong Enough to be with her?

Craig sits on the hood of his car overlooking the city. Using his entire hand he covers his mouth and takes a long, slow drag from his cigarette. He holds it in for a moment and then casually breathes it out as though there was nothing different. He rarely smokes, just when life becomes too much to bear. They soothe him even if they do fill his lungs with carbon. He closes his eyes and remembers…

"When Infidelity Becomes an Addiction… what's this?" He asks their new group leader Simon, reading the title of the book just handed to him out loud.

"I just think that you may benefit from reading it." Simon says.

"Why? I cheated once it was no big deal." He says.

"That's why. It was no big deal Craig? I bet if you asked Ashley, she would have a different opinion." Simon says.

"Okay, so it was a big deal, But I've changed… I've really changed." He says.

"How did you and Ellie get together." Simon says obviously ready to make a point, Craig already knowing where this was going.

"A week after the concert." He says, clearly not wanting to talk about it.  
"Did it happen to involve Manny?" Simon asks forwardly.

"So what, we're together, I love her, and I'm different now." He says defensively.

"Between the time that Ellie expressed interest and you two made it official, did you kiss Manny." Simon asks. Craig doesn't reply.

"When Ash left for London did you do _anything _with any girl before she told you that she wasn't coming back?" Simon says, Craig again has nothing to say.

"Anyone other than Manny?" Simon asks again.

"I'll read the book… but that doesn't mean that I have a problem. You need to just leave me alone about it." He says firmly.

"I'm not doing this for you don't be confused. I'm doing this for Ellie. She's a good girl Craig. Don't mess it up." He says.

"I'm over it." He says, wanting to hit Simon in the face.

"I thought that there was nothing to get over." He says gently.

After reading the book, Craig did notice a pattern in his cheating. There were three times when he cheated. When the relationship got hard, when he was angry or stressed, or when the relationship seemed too serious. The book talked a lot about the real feelings behind infidelity. He did begin to realize why he had done it in the past but he just refused to admit that there was even a possibility of it happening again. He didn't want to hurt Ellie… she may be the one, the one who could finally make him feel alright.

"Alex… Alex!" Paige says, hitting the dark-haired girl in the arm.

"Yeah?" She says sitting up quickly as though she hadn't been sleeping.

"You just slept through 'Sleepless in Seattle'! How can you do that? It's so beautiful!" Paige says getting that dreamy look in her eye all over again. Alex makes obnoxious snoring noises as she pretends to sleep.

"Where is the gore seriously" she says pulling 'Reservoir Dogs' off of her shelf. Paige quickly takes it from her.

"Or not. How about we call Marco and take him out. He has to be miserable, it sure seemed as though Tim broke up with him." She says holding her phone out to Alex.

"O-Kay…" She says with faux disappointment.

"Hey pretty boy, what are you up to… Wow, sounds exciting… Well I'm here with Paige and we are inviting you over… yes you are… _yes _you _are_!… come on Marco we'll do whatever it takes… We can go to the drive-in doesn't that sound fun?… I'll pay… That's what I thought, we'll drive by and pick you up… bye" Alex says, Paige couldn't help but laugh at the one sided conversation that she heard.

"What was he doing?" Paige asks

"Eating Ben & Jerry's and watching gay porn." Alex says, both her and Paige crack up.

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me." Paige says, then sighs.

"What's wrong?" Alex asks sitting next to her on the bed.

"It's been a long day." She says looking at her again

"Yeah, it definitely has been. But hey, we're going to the movies and we're going to have fun, let's invite Craig and Ellie." She says.

"Okay, can you say get a room?" Alex whispers in Marco's ear.

"Hey it's cute, at least some people can work out their problems." He says with a sigh looking in the back seat where Craig was shoving his tongue down Ellie's throat.

"It's really cold, I wish we could roll up the windows." Paige says.

"It is freezing, and she looks pretty lonely." Alex says to Marco, who is in the driver's seat, Alex in the passenger's.

He nods and they crawl to the backseat next to Paige. The middle seat in the van is made for two, not three so they are pretty crammed. They try to settle in, but there is no way to not be smashed together. They don't mind so much though, it is really cold.

"I'll be right back, I have to use the wash room." Marco says, exiting the van.

"Hey, hand me his blanket!" Paige says mischievously. Alex smiles at her and passes the blanket to her. Neither of them had noticed that Alex didn't scoot over when Marco left. Paige wraps tightly in her blanket and Alex pulls her own blanket around her shoulders. Marco returns and a shiver runs through his body, when he sees that Paige has his blanket, he doesn't say anything. Paige starts to feel guilty.

"Marco honey, if you're cold you can have your blanket, Alex has one that we can share." She says squeezing Alex's knee. She looks at Paige's hand, knowing that it was just a friendly gesture to emphasize her point but she can't help but pray that Marco is cold.

"No I'm okay." He says. Alex curses him again and again in her mind.

The rearview mirror is blocking Alex's view, it's positioned directly where she should be viewing the screen. She could slide down in her seat, or towards Marco, or slide up in her seat, but instead she leans into Paige. Paige's warm body against her own is so comforting to her that she doesn't want to ever leave it. She wants to wrap her arms around Paige's waist and press her lips to Paige's neck. Alex had been attracted to a few other girls, always the same type. It was always short girls who weighed about –5 pounds that were so hardcore that they couldn't see through the eyeliner. It was never a big deal, and she never would have actually done anything, but this time it's different. She doesn't just think of Paige as hot. She's beautiful. She may not be tiny, or hardcore, but she was strong and she was the one who was always there.

'Let it go.' She thinks to herself.

She didn't notice Paige slowly and subtly leaning into her body as well. And a lot of the time she wasn't watching the movie. She was intently watching Alex. She didn't know how to look away. She couldn't help but wonder if she was strong enough to tell Alex about her feelings…


	5. You're Perfect and I'm Nobody

Not Gonna Wait For You Forever

Chapter Five: You're Perfect and I'm Nobody

"I do not want to go home." Alex says plainly, letting Marco grab her hand.

"You shouldn't have to feel like that." Paige says grabbing her other hand.

"It's fine. I'm okay." She says. No one pushes it because she obviously is done talking about it.

"Are you two done procreating back there?" Alex says, moving very little to see Craig and Ellie in the back. Ellie jokingly slaps her shoulder.

"We were not procreating gosh." She says.

"The movies have been over for like, an hour I think it's time to go." Marco says. None of them move.

"I need to tell you something Marco before I forget because I don't want you to find out any other way. Dylan's back for the summer." Paige says, not sitting up to face him.

"I'll be upset when I have some more energy." He says. They all know that he won't even remember this conversation.

"Hey, can you kids please leave, we're trying to close up here." An elderly man says tapping on their window.

"Oh yeah, sorry sir we just kind of lost track of time." Paige says dropping Alex's hand and climbing to the driver's seat. Alex climbs into the passengers seat and Marco curls up already asleep. Ellie and Craig fall asleep in each other's embrace leaving Alex to keep Paige alert while driving.

"When did your parent's divorce?" Paige asks keeping her eyes on the road.

"Uh, when I was like four." She says.

"Do you remember them together?" Paige asks yawning.

"Yeah I do. When did your parent's divorce?" Alex asks staring intensely at the girl next to her.

"When I was seven. That was the saddest day of my life." She says. Paige can see her reliving that day. Alex had seen her talk vaguely about it before, but she never seemed this upset about it. She didn't want to press her too much more.

"Are you okay sweetie?" Alex asks.

"Yeah, fine." She says, finally looking at Alex with a smile.

"Any chance that I could stay over tonight." Alex asks.

"No sorry." Paige says without a second's thought, Alex is taken aback.

"Why not?" She asks.

"Mom said no more company for awhile. Sorry." Paige says.

"Alright." Alex says sliding down in her seat some. She didn't want to go home to her mom. To Chad. Paige's house was perfect. Paige's family was perfect. Paige was perfect. She stares at her for a moment and then the thought enters her mind.

"You're perfect, and I'm nobody." She thinks to herself.

They drop Craig and Ellie of at her house and he drives home from there. Then they drop Marco off. They sit in the car for awhile. Alex just keeps thinking of her house. She knows that every second brings her closer to that place. She just wants to escape it, if even for a moment.

"Paige can't you just talk your mom into it please?" She says, frustrated that Paige won't let her stay.

"No I'm sorry she doesn't bend the rules for anyone." Paige says.

"Well, can I stay and then leave before she gets up?" Alex says in desperation.

"No I'm sorry Alex maybe some other time." She says adamantly.

"Fine just take me to my house." Alex says sliding down in her seat and closing her eyes. She didn't care if Paige fell asleep anymore, in fact she sort of wished that she would run off the road and hit a tree. She'd never have to return to her house then.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow." Alex says quietly as she gets out and slams her door hard.

Paige drives home with little emotion on her face. She turns the radio up trying to drown out the thought in her head. Not much could do that. She felt really bad for Alex. Her house was pretty much hell on earth, and she didn't even know the whole story. Chad is always knocking her mom around and sometimes hits Alex, though she'd never admit that. She realizes that she is almost on her road and turns off. She'll take the long way.

She goes past Jimmy's house and thinks of all that he's been through. She really admires him for his strength. Not only was he shot and put in a wheelchair, but he survived a relationship with Hazel. It takes a strong person to do that. She knew that Jimmy was the kind of guy that if she ever needed something would be there for her. He always had a hand for her to hold.

She goes by Ellie's house and smiles a sad smile. No one should have to go through everything that she goes through. She remembers how much they used to hate each other, and then the exact moment when she realized that she needed to help her. Her former hatred had truly stemmed from jealousy. Paige was expected to be a shallow, hot, bitch and nothing more. But Ellie, she didn't care. She could be who she wanted. She was so deep and beautiful and had so much talent. Paige thought that she had more strength than anyone, that she didn't feel anything. The moment that she saw the blood dripping into the sink she realized that nothing is ever as it seems. She had been through so much with that girl and she would go through hell and back for her.

Soon she's driving past Craig's house. She remembers his first day how nervous he was. He still had some subtle confidence to him that she had always found inviting. His warm embrace always felt safe to her and she knew that it was always open. Craig is the kind of guy that she has always felt close to even when she is far away from him. They can go months without talking and still feel like they are best friends. They just have this bond, this understanding. They can pick up right where they left off to, as though they had been hanging out everyday. Whether it was a reassuring smile, a word of wisdom, or the man's strong embrace Craig always had something to make her day.

She drive's past Ashley Kerwin's old house and feels a sense of loss. They had a rocky relationship without question, but she still found herself thinking about her daily. While Ash was an emotional basket case with a few issues, she would usually end up seeing past herself and coming to the rescue. I hope that she is finally happy with Alistair all the way in London. And boy do I hope that he has the energy to keep up with her.

She realizes that she has reached the road that she has to turn on and she sighs. She goes down her long road still thinking of all her friends. It has been a crazy four year's but she wasn't ready for it to end. Where does the time go? It's like when you aren't looking all of a sudden your life is starting. She turns into her drive way and slowly gets out of the van. She takes her time walking to the door. And as she opens it and quietly shuts it, she closes her eyes and leans against it. She is relieved by the silence that greets her. Then before she has a chance to venture to her room, her hopes are crushed.

The booming voice of her father echoes through the house. A scream from her mother is the response. It's Friday. The day that her dad has come back for the millionth time. Just to ruin their lives, take some money to support his habits and leave them broken and torn. She finds it suddenly hard to remember her love for him during times like this. Alex and everyone else for that matter thinks that her life is perfect. They have no idea. She can't let them see this. She is the strong one now, she is the perfect one with the perfect family. Everything is just fine…


	6. Disenchanted Lullaby

Not Gonna Wait For You Forever

Chapter Six: Disenchanted Lullaby

"Hello?" Her voice was groggy and she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"Dylan is home!… Why?" A hysterical Marco screams energetically into the phone.

"Marco, we can talk about this later. It is five in the morning. I am going to go to sleep. You are going to go to sleep. In the morning this will all seem silly. Goodnight Marco." She says.

"But it isn't silly Paige! He ripped my heart out! I don't want to see him…" He says voice fading.

"I know baby. I know. I'm sorry that it happened. I've been cheated on to, and it sucks. But I really think that you should just try to let go of this. I've let go of what happened with Spinner and I feel much better. Maybe you should do the same." She says.

"I'm gonna let you get some sleep. Thanks Paige." He says after a long pause.

"Alright. Your welcome. Goodnight baby." She says.

"Goodnight." He says.

She lies in her bed and sighs. She loves her brother so much, but she hates him for what he did to her friend. She knows exactly what it is like. She remembers the moment that she found Manny and Spinner in her own bed. It was her birthday party and to this day it still felt like a dream, or a nightmare whichever. They had just gotten over a fight, they had been fighting over the fact that he still wanted to have sex and Paige wasn't ready. He finally said that it was fine, and he got her a great birthday present, a framed picture of them in each other's arms with a poem written on the matte around it. She spent time down stairs mingling, but then couldn't find Spinner. She wanted to thank him in a special way for being so kind. She could shut her brain off for five or ten minutes. She heard a scream upstairs and was curious. She walked up into her room and saw Spinner right in the thrusts with Manny Santos. Her scream grew louder with his final blow, when she suddenly realized that Paige was standing there.

She liked to pretend that she was over it, but she still got teary-eyed just thinking about that moment. The look on his face. The way that he blamed her in the end, for not satisfying him. It made her sick to think about what she was going to do for him. She was so weak back then. He had her wrapped around his finger. She vowed that it would never happen again.

"Paige honey, is your mom at work?" Her dad said poking his head into her room, it was nearly noon and he was waking up for the first time.

His scruffy face always looked a little dirty. His chestnut colored curly hair is a little longer than it used to be, and much messier. She can tell that he'd still have a nice smile, but she wouldn't be seeing it anytime soon. She has his nose. She sees his hand grasping the door frame and suddenly sees her child hand reaching up and grabbing his finger. She shakes the thought and the feeling that she may cry.

"Yeah she is, why?" She asks. It's always strictly business between them.

"Just wondering." He says. He grins for a moment. She wants him to come in and sit down and ask her how she's doing. He walks away. She doesn't say anything. Her phone rings.

"Hello?" She says cheerfully.

"Hey Paige, what's up?" Dylan asks brightly.

"Hey buddy! Where did you stay last night?" She asks.

"I had a few beers and didn't want to drive so I just stayed at Brian's. Is dad there?" He asks, she always could appreciate his responsibility.

"Yeah." She says.

"Then I'm not coming home." He says

"Please Dylan, mom needs you here. She really does." She says, not wanting to say that it was her that needed him. He was her only friend that knew anything about her father. When he was home, she could run to him for help, when he wasn't, well… she had no one.

"I can't take it anymore Paige! I'm 19, not 40. I'm not the adult here. I shouldn't have to act like it! I can't keep this family together, I'm not strong enough!" He says. She can feel the desperation in his tone.

"But Dylan…" She starts, tears falling down her cheeks.

"I want to, but I can't… I'm sorry. I love you Paige… come with me." She says. She is confused.

"What are you talking about?" She asks.

"I'm going to get a place of my own, until then Brian said that I could stay with him… and he said that you are more than welcome to. I can take care of you, take you away from it all. You're so much better than all of that." He says with the most love that she has felt from anyone in a long time.

"I can't Dyl, I really can't." She says, not seeing anything practical or possible in the plan.

"Yes you can. Why not?" He says.

"Because if you aren't going to hold up this family, then I have to. I'm not leaving mom here with him you know it will get worse." She says.

"It's not your job." He says.

"Then whose job is it? Tell me that and by all means I'll come with you." She pleas.

"It's theirs! They can't keep doing this to us Paige!" He says.

"Well it sure doesn't look like the ol' sperm donor is going to change anytime soon, and until then I'm not leaving mom." She says. He pauses for a long time.

"I just want to take you away. It shouldn't be like this." He says having gained composure.

"Well either way it is. This is our reality. As much as I want to escape it with you, I can't. I'm happy for you, you just go please. You get your place. You've been in this long enough now it's my turn. I'll take care of mom." She says, also taking a calmer tone.

"I can't leave you alone there." He says.

"You come check on me from time to time. I can handle this. I'll be fine. You're better than this to and it's your chance to rise above. I'll get my chance. I've gotta go, Let's do dinner tomorrow night okay?" she says.

"Alright. I love you so much." He says. A tear falls from his eye.

"I love you too. Bye." She says. And hangs up the phone.

"You know what Chad, one day I'm going to fight back, and you're never going to see it coming." Alex mumbles to an empty room, wiping the fresh blood from her lips and her split brow.

She looks into the mirror and smiles, her teeth red with blood. Miss Fucked Up Teen America winner, five years and counting. She laughs at the morbid joke in her mind. She has a secret. She loves to play pretend. She loves to pretend that it doesn't hurt when Chad hits her. She likes to pretend that it doesn't affect her emotionally. She likes to pretend that she was almost mugged and her attacker busted her eyebrow. She likes to pretend that she's alright. She takes off her black t-shirt and begins to wash her face in her black bra and jeans. she wipes off her face with the towel and then pauses. She looks at her side. The wound was deeper than she had intended. She wanted more. She groans deep inside of her chest.

"My god, my god what have you started?" She exclaims to herself.

She opens her medicine cabinet shakily and hurriedly pulling out a red make-up bag. She dumps its contents into the sink. It would take to much time to dig through it carefully. She grabs the first thing that she can get her hands on which just happens to be an X-Acto. Three thin lines in a row on her left side. She props her foot up onto the sink, the adrenaline and desire causing her to be more flexible than she would be on any normal occasion. She pulls up her pant leg and makes five, deep scattered cuts on her shin. She breathes in deeply. Everything is alright, everything is just fine…

"mmm… I want you, oh god mmm…" Craig moans into Ellie's ear as she sucks on his jawbone. The intense make out session is suddenly aggressive and he grasps her thighs and violently thrusts her onto the bathroom countertop. He forces his hands up her skirt, hungrily pulling at her panties and fishnet.

"Craig…" She says, he thinks in ecstasy.

"yes.." he says as he viciously sucks and nibbles her neck and collarbone. She reaches down and tries to pull his hands away from her skirt. He is drunk with desire. His hands go from her skirt to her snap front shirt and in one swift movement he unsnaps the entire front and greedily gropes her breast when he is suddenly shot backwards into the opposite wall. He is shocked and she is buttoning her shirt.

"What's wrong, what'd I do?" he asks

"You're going way to fast. I was trying to get you to stop, I'm fine with making out, I'm fine with cuddling, but that's as far as it goes." She says adjusting her panties and skirt.

"I wish you would have told me." He says desperately trying to calm himself.

"I did, several times actually but you never really seemed to be listening. You do that a lot. I'm a Christian Craig. I want to be abstinent… not just because God wants me to, but because I want a relationship that's more than sex. I want this to work." She says. He is speechless. He had no idea.

"How long have you been a Christian?" He asks.

"Since I was ten, and I renewed my faith after I started counseling." She says. She had told him most of this before. It seemed that he always had something better to listen to.

"I know that you believe in God, but that you don't like organized religion. I listened when you told me about that. I also know that your favorite colors are red and blue. Your favorite ice cream is cookies and cream, you love The Strokes and think The Vines are overrated. You cried when you saw Nirvana's MTV Unplugged because it was Kurt's last ever performance. You hate alligators because the person that came to tell you that your mom was dead had an alligator tattoo on his arm and all that you can relate to them is your mother's death. I listen Craig, I always listen I care about what happens to you and what has made you, you. I love you Craig, but I don't feel a damn thing from you!" She yells.

"I listen to you." He says.

"What's my favorite band, Green Day or Saves the Day?" She asks taking a step closer to her.

"Green Day." He says as though he is certain.

"Hmm… nice guess considering I hate them both! I'm done, it's over." She says. She grabs his coat and throws it at him on his way out.

"Garbage! My favorite band is Garbage!" She yells then slams the door.

She crawls onto her bed and cries. She cries until her eyes hurt. Why. Why did he have to make her fall for him? Why did he have to be so wonderful and so horrible at the same time? Why did he have to look at her in that way, that way that made her heart melt?

Alone Alex walks down the street. Oh sweet Canada, it's almost summer and it's nice and warm during the days yet freezing at night. Her hands are deep in her coat pockets and she watches her breath leave her mouth. Every so often her hands brave the cold to pull a flask to her lips. She isn't sure where she is going. Just walking on the sidewalk, dimly lit with a strange yellow glow from the streetlights. She stops in shock at who she sees walking the opposite direction on the other side of the street. The girl stops when she sees her to, and tries to hide the brown paper bag covered bottle in her hand. She awkwardly waves. Alex gestures to the flask in her hand, still feeling somewhat ashamed of it, she knew that the girl couldn't judge her at that point. She crosses the street to meet up with her.

"Ellie Nash, tsk tsk… guess I can't judge." She says, not quite affected by the drink yet.

"I know… me either. I guess I needed a friend." Ellie says looking at the bottle.

"Well you have another now, let's go." She says taking another drink and changing directions.

A flask of Jack and a bottle of vodka later, Ellie and Alex are laughing hysterically, stumbling down the sidewalk, each with their arms thrust around the other's waist. There is no reason for them to be laughing, but that's just how it is when you get two tipsy love-scorned girls together. Every time that one of them loses balance, they laugh even harder. They eventually grow weary of their game and collapse an alley. Alex sits up against the brick wall of the building beside them, her legs all sprawled out in front of her. Ellie struggles to sit up against a chain link fence opposite of Alex sitting in much the same manner. Alex starts to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Ellie asks.

"My family is so fucked up!" She says still laughing.

"Why is that funny?" Ellie says, her speech very slurred.

"I don't know… everything is funny right now." She says still smiling and looking up at the stars.

"I shouldn't have drunk all that." Ellie says.

"Why not?" Alex says looking at her.

"Can we say 'predisposed'" She says. Alex knew vaguely of her mom, but most of what she knew was gossip.

"How bad is it?" She asks. It's strange how calmly they are discussing these issues, as though they had talked about it a hundred times when they had never really talked about it in detail with anyone.

_Disenchanted lullabies, sing me yours and I'll sing you mine_

_Sing with me now_

"I have to drag her to bed every night. Usually I have to hold her head up as she spews into the toilet. I'm getting pretty used to it though." She says.

"You shouldn't have to be used to it." Alex says seriously squeezing her ankle.

"I know. I know. Well what about you. I have a feeling that split eyebrow wasn't an accident." Ellie says pointing with a disobedient hand, you can tell that she is trying to really hard to keep it steady in the air.

"Well…" She starts, about to make her promise not to tell anyone. She looks into her eyes and somehow just knows that she can trust her.

"It's Chad. He hits my mom… and sometimes he hits me. One day I'm going to fight back and he's not going to know what hit him." She says as though she knows exactly what will happen.

"You shouldn't take that." Ellie says.

"It's complicated." Alex says, wobbly unsure body leaning towards Ellie and dragging her knees to her chest. It's too much effort and she lets them fall to the side.

"I'm in love with an inconsiderate boy." Ellie says.

"I'm in love with my best friend." She says as though she is trying to beat her.

"Marco? You're in love with Marco?" Ellie says in disbelief. Alex pauses for a moment.

"Yeah, Marco. I know it's wrong, he doesn't like girls… and he's so beautiful… and he'll never feel the same way but I love him… I love him so much." She says, unable to look Ellie in the face anymore.

"I've been there. You know of all of my friends, you understand me more than any of them. I don't tell you that enough I mean everyone thinks that Craig and Marco are my best friends, and I love them but you… you just fit me." Ellie says in that lovey drunk way.

"I'm the only one that fits you… and you fit me. Here." She says holding her hands out with the pinkies extended. Ellie wraps her pinkies around Alex's.

"We are making a pact… right now from now on it's me and you. No matter what we have each other's back and we can tell each other anything… agreed?" Alex says.

"Agreed!" Ellie confirms. They kiss their thumbs and laugh.

"I'm gonna ask you something personal and it will probably scare you I know that it would have me… god I don't even know how to say this." Ellie says.

"Just say it… you can say anything here." Alex says. Deep down she knew it was coming. She could tell in the way that she was suddenly so hot she thought that she might die. She could never have prepared herself for the words though.

"Are you a cutter?" Ellie asks. Alex is so shocked that she can't say anything.

"I, uh…" Alex starts but the words aren't coming out. Ellie stops her by grabbing her hands.

"It helps to just say it Alex trust me. I bet you've never said it out loud." Ellie says looking deep into the eyes that she was so familiar with, the ones that stared back at her every time that she looked in a mirror.

"No one knows… I've never said it before… I've never written it before. Oh my god I can't believe you know…" She says, scarcely able to breathe.

"Hey calm down. Say it Alex." Ellie says, Alex can't look at her.

"I don't know if…" She starts but her voice is too shaky to finish. Ellie is shocked to see her like this. She hardly recognizes the vulnerable, shattered girl that sits in front of her.

"You can say it, it's safe here." Ellie says scooting closer, getting a slight head rush, proving to her that she is still a bit tipsy.

"I…" Alex starts.

"I am a cutter." Alex says looking up at Ellie. Her face is almost emotionless save her eyes and the one tear that traces her cheek. Ellie's expression is a merge of concern and a proud smile.

"It's okay now…" Ellie says wiping the tear from her face. She spreads her legs apart and opens her arms. Alex crawls over and curls up against her friend who wraps her scarred arms around the shaking girl.

Alex had no idea that saying it and sharing it with someone would be so hard. She also had no idea that it would bring so much freedom and peace. It was as though she could finally breathe. There was just one problem. She still felt the desire to go home, pick up a razor blade, and tear apart her soul.

_I may be scattered, a little shattered, what does it matter?_

_No one has a fit like I do_

_ I'm the only one that fits you…_


	7. Cherry Lips

Not Gonna Wait For You Forever

Chapter Seven: Cherry Lips

She laid in the red-heads arms and felt safe. She looked up at her beautiful face. Maybe it was just because she was drunk, but Ellie's red lips had never looked so inviting. She had never really noticed how red they were, or how moist and curvy… She cursed herself for having a thing for lips. Ellie's looked so soft. She felt her body rise slowly. The moment was so serious. Ellie stared down at her, directly into her eyes, but Alex was looking at her lips. Their lips were just close enough that every so often they would graze. Neither of them wanted to make the first move. Suddenly and simultaneously they pressed their lips together gently. As they pull away, their moist lips are reluctant to part, as are the girls.

"What was that?" Ellie asks softly.

"That my lady, was a kiss." Alex says, suddenly calm.

"I mean… why." Ellie says, still a little breathless.

"I'm not sure myself. I do get like this when I'm drunk… but I really wanted to…" She says.

"I've only been drunk one other time so I wouldn't know… I really wanted to too… I don't know why but…" Ellie struggled to get her thoughts out.

"I don't either… let's not make this weird, we have to get everything in the open." Alex says, her mind just sober enough to try and rationalize things. It was something that Paige had taught her… She suddenly remembered the one who had meant the most to her in the past year, the one that she had been kissing just two nights before. She again curses herself for having such a thing for lips.

"I've always been straight so why don't we wait until we sober up to discuss this." Ellie says. They remain in each other's arms for a moment. The Ellie leans down and kisses her one more time. Whether it was to bring her comfort, pleasure, or to fulfill her own drunken desires she wasn't sure but Alex's lips felt so nice against her own. Deep down in her heart she felt that she was just lashing out to forget about Craig.

"Come on, I'll walk you home…" Ellie says.

"Alex, I've been trying to get a hold of you all night, where are you? I'll see you at school tomorrow… but I still was hoping to get together today I don't know… I miss you. Anyway I got to go, call me, bye." Paige says to Alex's answering machine which she had become well acquainted with over the past few hours. She couldn't help but worry about her friend. Her phone rang and she jumped.

"Alex?" She says upon answering it.

"Um… no this is Craig." He says, Paige immediately disappointed.

"Oh, hi. What's up?" She asks. He never called her so she knew that something had to be wrong.

"I didn't know who else to call…" He says, she can feel the pain in his voice.

"What happened sweetie?" She says with concern.

"I fucked it up." Is all he can say.

"What?" She says.

"I love her, god I love her more than anything in the world I was just to damn blind to know what she needed, I'm so selfish. I hate this. I hate this! Why am I always so stupid when it comes to people that I love? I didn't listen I didn't show her how much I care." He starts voice frantic and shaky with emotion.

"Oh no… did she break up with you?" She asks.

"Yes, and I deserved it, but all I want to do now is be with her and protect her and love her and now I'm afraid that I've lost my chance." He says eyes teary. He licks his lips just imagining how Ellie's felt against his own. She tasted like cherries and he didn't want anyone else to ever find that out.

"She broke up with you because she was sick of being underappreciated and unnoticed right?" Paige says.

"I guess." He says unsure of what she is getting at.

"Then maybe all you have to do is show her how much you appreciate her and how completely unforgettable she is." Paige says. Craig grins slightly, liking where this was going. He knew that Paige would come through for him.

HockeyMan05 says: Hi

BollywoodNights says: Fuck off and die

HockeyMan05 says: I know that I'm the last person on earth that you want to talk to

BollywoodNights says: wow, you finally got something right, I thought I blocked you

HockeyMan05 says: I deserve that… but I want to say something… here it goes, I still love you. I love you so much Marco and since the day that we broke up, all that I can think about is you. I miss you! I'm so sorry. I'm living with a friend right now until I get enough money together to buy my own place. His name is Brian Atwood, He live in the brick house right next to The Dot. I'd really like to see you sometime just to talk. If nothing else just, show up to scream at me and to tell me how much you hate me. Anytime with you would be worth it…

BollywoodNights says: Maybe you should have thought of that before you cheated on me… before you ruined my life. I'm doing fine now! Just don't need this right now!

HockeyMan05 says: Alright I'm sorry I'll leave you alone… but the invitation is always there and just remember… I love you and I always have.

HockeyMan05 is now offline

Marco sat staring at the screen of his laptop not knowing what to do. Dylan was always really good at that… coming in and ruining his life just when he thought that he was finally okay. He was like some giant natural disaster. He came through and destroyed everything in its path. Yet, he was so beautiful… He kept thinking about his lips. They weren't that attractive to look at, but he definitely knew how to work them. He had a thing for lips, it was something that he and Alex discussed a lot. That was the one thing that even girls could get him going with. When Manny kissed his forehead, he really liked the feeling of her lips, it could have been anyone though really. He just loved lips.

Latinacheer15 says: Hey!

BollywoodNights says: Hey, how are you?

Latincheer15 says: I'm pretty good, how are you? (honest)

BollywoodNights says: honestly… I want to rip my hair out.

Latincheer15 says: Tim?

BollywoodNights says: no, even better… the "D" word.

Latincheer15 says: oh no what happened

BollywoodNights says: He just signed off. He decided that he needed to inform me of how much he loves me still and how he's sorry for everything and how he wants to meet up with me to talk. Just when you think you're over something…

Latincheer15 says: I'm so sorry baby, are you going to go?

BollywoodNights says: Are you joking? Of course I'm not going to go. Dylan broke my heart and it has taken forever for me to get over him.

Latincheer15 says: maybe you're not over him

Marco didn't even know what to say.

Latincheer15 says: alright new subject. What colleges are you going to apply to?

BollywoodNights says: I'm not sure, Banting for sure, maybe a few in the states, that might be interesting. I'm pretty much going to apply everywhere. I'm going to miss you. I am going to try for a local school so I can see you

Latincheer15 says: 

Latincheer15 says: Does Paige know that we are good friends?

BollywoodNights says: sort of. I've told her that we hang out a lot. She really doesn't hate you so much anymore. She knows that Spinner told you that they were broken up.

Latincheer15 says: I'm glad she knows that. I tried to tell her and she just called me a whore and wouldn't listen. I understand though. I would have been crushed to. I feel so bad for everything. I should have known better.

BollywoodNights says: It's not your fault. Spinner turned out to be scum. He played you, he played Paige. She knows that it wasn't your fault, she just has a hard time being around you. I mean come on if you found your boyfriend in bed with another girl and thought she knew then found out she didn't, it would still be hard don't you think?

Latincheer15 says: Oh yeah, I completely understand where she's coming from, I just wish that we could be friends, especially because of you. I just don't want you caught in the middle here.

BollywoodNights says: It's fine. Maybe you two will get along better someday. I g2g. Love you Manny, kisses!

Latincheer15 says: Goodnight, kisses!

He signed off and went to bed. He felt a lot better after getting all of that out. Manny has a reputation, but she had a heart of solid gold. She could be a bitch at times, yes, but there was usually a reason why. He loved spending time with her. He could relate to her more than anyone else. They both lived under constant scrutiny and with hindering labels strapped on him. His were things like "Queer, Wanna-be, Pansy" While hers were "Easy, Whore, Bitch" they both struggled to live beyond their labels and helped each other along. She was pretty much his best friend in the world.

"I'm still buzzed. Tomorrow morning isn't going to be fun." Alex says, almost to her house.

"Yeah me too." Ellie said. They got to the end of Alex's driveway and She stopped. She didn't want to get close enough for Ellie to hear any yelling that may be going on in the house.

"Well, here we are." Alex says.

"Yeah. Now to get to my house." Ellie smiles.

"If you want, I can go with you." She offers

"No that'd be silly. I can make it, we walked all the way here shouldn't have to do it twice." Ellie says. She was nervous and couldn't explain why. She wanted to kiss Alex goodnight. Alex beat her to it. It was a soft gentle kiss just like the other two. They pulled away only about an inch and just kind of looked at each other. Then Alex leaned in again. Ellie opened her mouth just slightly. There was no tongue involved, just the lips. And as Ellie walked away Alex licked her lips and smiled… cherries.


	8. I Should Tell You

Not Gonna Wait For You Forever

Chapter Eight: I Should Tell You

"Hello?" Alex asks.

"Hey Alex, it's Paige." Alex's heart speeds up and her lips start to throb. She would love to blame it on her hangover but she knows that she just feels guilty.

"Oh hey Paige, how are you?" She says nonchalantly

"Worried sick actually I called you like thirty times and you still didn't call me back, where were you last night?" Paige says.

"What are you my baby-sitter? I was out." She says rubbing her temples.

"With who? What were you doing?" Paige asks frantically.

"Since when are you so concerned about my personal life?" Alex says.

"I'm just worried and I want to know where you were." Paige says not letting her change subjects.

"I was with Ellie, and we hung out, and I got drunk. So now I'm gonna have to let you go because I need to go throw up now. So you go ahead to school, I'm not going to be there, maybe we can get together after school when I feel better." She says with her eyes closed, letting light in hurt indescribably.

"Fine." Paige says hanging up on her friend.

She really hated that Alex would go get wasted. It was so stupid and wasn't good for her future. She started wondering about Ellie. Had Alex let Ellie drink? She's only a little predisposed to alcoholism. That would be pretty low. She then thinks about when she saw them holding hands in Earth/Space Science. She hated feeling jealous over someone that she couldn't have, especially when she knew that nothing happened. It didn't stop her from feeling anger rolling around in her stomach at the thought of them together. She knew it wasn't that way though, so she just bottled it up, and got ready for school.

Dear Mr. Del Rossi:

On the date of 5/17/06 you participated in an audition/cast call for this year's Curtain Company® production RENT. We received your headshots and were very impressed with your performance and memorization skills. We are happy to inform you that you got the part of Angel. Congratulations on your hard work and talent. The first practice will be on 6/20/06 at 6:00 PM. Thank you for your time.

Ross Anderson

Director, Curtain Company

"Oh my god…" He mumbles in shock. He feels his throat tighten with emotion.

"OH MY GOD!" He screams jumping around the room. His mother rushes in wondering what had come over her son.

"My Marco, what is the matter?" she asks him.

"I got the part! I got the part!" He exclaims, showing her the letter.

"Oh my goodness! Congratulations Marco!" She says with tears in her eyes, hugging him. He can't stop smiling. He keeps reading the letter over and over.

Dear Ms. Santos:

On the date of 5/17/06 you participated in an audition/cast call for this year's Curtain Company® production RENT. We received your headshots and thought that you gave a satisfactory performance. We are happy to inform you that you are the first spot understudy for the role of Mimi. We thought that you would have been good for the role, but you seem slightly to young. If you work on the maturity of your voice, then there shouldn't be a problem. Congratulations, continue to work on your acting to sharpen your skills. The first practice will be on 6/20/06 at 6:00 PM. Thank you for your time.

Ross Anderson

Director, Curtain Company

A smile took over her face. She would have loved to have been first choice for the part, but being the first choice understudy is a huge step! She wanted to scream and let out her excitement but she knew that if her father found out that she was acting again, particularly in the role of a stripping junkie with AIDS… she would never be forgiven. This was her dream role though and she would work harder than anybody to get her part.

"They call me… they call me… Mimi!" She sings quietly to herself, suppressing the tears of excitement almost hurt.

"Feeling better?" Paige says with a biting edge as she pushes into Alex's house. Normally Alex would freak out but her mom and Chad were both gone for the night, and probably tomorrow. They had gone to the Galmeyer's house and they never left there after a few hours.

"Yes actually." Alex says.

"Well… what the hell were you thinking letting Ellie drink? Why would you drink? The things that could have happened to you two…" Paige says. She looks angry but she is really more hurt and concerned than anything.

"What all did Ellie tell you?" Alex says, nervous. It suddenly dawns on her that she may have just lost Paige.

"She said that you guys talked a lot and that you got a lot closer, and that it was because you guys got drunk together. I thought that you know being a friend meant that you were supposed to protect them not let them get shit-faced in a dark alley." She says. Alex breathes a sigh of relief inwardly. She doesn't know…

"I know and I feel badly now, but she had already started and it really is her decision." Alex says.

"No, you don't even understand…" she says, suddenly overcome with emotion and she turns her head attempting to hide her obvious tears from Alex. Alex is in shock and doesn't quite know what to do.

"What don't I understand Paige?" Alex asks turning her head so that she is facing her.

_I should tell you… I should tell you… NO!_

"Nothing Alex… Nothing at all." She says wiping some of her tears away. Alex stops her and takes the job of wiping them away.

"You can tell me…" Alex says, keeping her hands on Paige's cheeks.

_I should tell you… I should tell you…_

"It's just family stuff. I don't want to talk about it anymore though. I really don't want to talk about it." She says almost in a pouty voice.

"I think that you need to." Alex says, she usually never pushes it but she can tell that Paige really needs her.

"Not yet I just can't right now. But you haven't seen Ellie like I have. I've seen her mom in action, I've seen her in her most vulnerable state…" She says closing her eyes at the memory of Ellie's blood.

"I know you're right… I need to talk to her about it." Alex says. The look on Paige's face could kill her. She hates seeing her sad. She had really fucked up this time.

"It's okay though. You can't let her do it again, and I'm worried about you I don't want you to drink again, please don't drink again…" She says sobbing all over again. Alex was so confused. Why was it such a big deal? She had never seen Paige like this and she knew that something was going on but she decided to just let her cry for awhile. She opened her arms and held her for awhile. She felt nice in her arms. She was always warm. Alex never wanted to let go, she just wanted to stay wrapped around her shielding her from the world so that she'd never have to experience pain again. Paige suddenly pulls away.

"Okay but I have some good news, Marco got the part in RENT. So we are going to Dylan's house to watch it so we don't have to pretend to know what he's talking about anymore." She says after one last sniffle.

"Oh my gosh that's so great!" Alex exclaims. With Paige, everything was just a rollercoaster of emotions.

"This is so amazing Manny!" He exclaims. She is finally letting her tears of joy show sitting in Marco's car and sharing the news with him.

"Oh I wish I would have gotten the part first choice but I am so thankful to be the first understudy! I am going to work so hard on this!" She exclaims unable to contain the sheer joy that she was experiencing.

"I'm so glad that you dragged me to that audition!" Marco laughs wrapped his tanned muscular arms around her bony frame. It lasts a lot longer than their normal hugs. He loves hugs, to feel that connection with someone it is such a powerful thing.

"I am to, I'm so happy that you got the part, you will be perfect… and I'm glad to be able to do this with you." Manny says. He kisses her cheek and slides his RENT movie soundtrack CD into the CD player. They start to sing the Angel/Mimi parts of La Vie Boheme Part A.

"So… what about Dylan. What are you going to do?" She asks after about 5 minutes of silence.

"Nothing. He is nothing to me now. I am ready to really move on. From him and from stupid Tim, I'm ready now." Marco smiles, for the first time he says this without lying.

"That's good Marco… that's really good." She says.

"Alex… are you smiling… at a musical filled with gay drama?" Paige asks eying her friend curiously.

"It's more than that… it's so much more!" She says, her eyes wide and intensely starring at the screen. Paige smiles, then reaches down and grabs Alex's hand, just gently cupping it in her own. Alex almost jumps, her heart fluttering. She looks down at their hands to confirm what she was praying was true. Just before she smiles she looks a little farther… she's also holding her brothers hand. And she suddenly realizes that it is nothing. But what if?

_I should tell you…I should tell you… I love you…_

As those words are sung, their eyes meet, then worriedly look away, only to meet and lock once more. Paige's lips dare to smile, just slightly. Alex can't look away from them. She wants to taste her lips again. Cherries may be sweet but apples were her forbidden fruit…


	9. Let's Go Get Lost

I probably should mention that the title of my story is from the song Everything by Fefe Dobson, she is amazing and you should check out her stuff. I've also used some from RENT, Flyleaf (Check them out!), Foo Fighters, Sheryl Crowe, and Garbage (Shirley Manson is a goddess!). This one is a section of the Song Road Trippin' by The Red Hot Chili Peppers, I don't know who originally did this one.

Why They Call It Falling

Chapter Nine: Let's Go Get Lost

"You want another kiss or something?" Paige asks raising an eyebrow. She means it, but Alex can't tell if she is just kidding or if she is requesting a kiss.

"Why?" Alex says, putting the pressure back on Paige.

"Maybe we should get these guys going." She says with a mischievous smile. She loved using perverted boys to her advantage. The movie wound down and the lights came back on and everyone started to talk and laugh. Suddenly Paige flung a leg over Alex, straddling her lap. She remembers the way Alex's hands had squeezed her thighs and how it had made her feel so she does the same to Alex. She gets the same reaction, her body rises and she gasps. Paige presses herself onto Alex, making each girl want to scream. She begins to lower her mouth to Alex's. That is when a vision of red hair and cherry lips pops into her head.

"Whoa, I can't do this…" Alex whispers standing up, knocking Paige to the ground.

"What's your issue hun?" Paige asks. All of the guys in the room start to boo.

"I'm just teasing them" Alex laughs. She always has been pretty good at lying. All of the guys in the room (excluding Dylan of course) boo even louder and laugh as Alex smiles and helps Paige up.

"That was such a good movie." Alex says trying to make simple conversation.

"Yeah… it was alright. Marco will be the best Angel ever." Paige says.

"I think I'm gonna walk home." Alex says after a long pause.

"I can drive you…" Paige starts to gather her things.

"No, I live really close to here I don't want you to have to leave. See you later." She says with a casual wave.

"Yeah, see ya." She says sitting back down. She had really wanted to take her home, she was thinking of really kissing her. It was too late though. She could tell how uncomfortable Alex had been. She sighed as she watched her walk out the door.

_I should tell you I have always loved you… you can see it in my eyes…_

When Alex finally closes the door behind her, she tries desperately to catch her breath. She couldn't show Paige that every time she looked at her, she couldn't breathe. She couldn't tell her that it hurt so bad to sit next to her because she couldn't take just talking to her and not being able to touch her and kiss her. And she couldn't kiss her… not just because she was afraid anymore but because of one more thing… Ellie Nash.

"Craig, where've you been lately?" Marco asks over the phone.

"I've been around, just not when Ellie is. I don't want to bother her," He says.

"She is upset with you obviously but you know Ellie, she wouldn't want you to miss out on anything. Hang out with us tomorrow please?" Marco says.

"Maybe for awhile. It's kind of hard for me to be around her right now. I miss her so much it kills me to be close to her and know how bad I messed everything up. Will you tell her that? She listens to you." Craig says.

"I might but Craig, I'm pretty much with Ellie on this one. You didn't appreciate her at all." Marco says.

"I know I know. But you also know how much I love her and how sorry I am." Craig says.

"Well I don't have much to fight against with that. Can I ask you something?" Marco asks.

"Shoot." He responds.

"What ever happened with you and Manny. She's pretty open with me about everything… except that." Marco says it softly, he knows what a touchy subject it is.

"She really has never talked to you about us?" Craig asks.

"No, I ask her about it and she shuts down completely. What happened?" Marco asks.

"Well, Ashley was my first real love. It was a toxic relationship though as you know. And one night when Ashley wasn't there for me, Manny was. I regretted it so much afterwards, it was only like two weeks before that I had lost my virginity to Ashley. But in that, me and Manny had a connection. When no one else was there for me Manny was. We were over then for quite awhile, completely over. That's when I started to fall for Ellie. Ellie was different. She was vulnerable and she needed me, and yet at the same time, she was so much stronger than I could ever dream of being and she held me up. Ellie expressed interest. At the same time, Manny came to me and expressed her undying love for me. Without even thinking, as though it was some sort of habit I kissed her. I didn't want to. I wanted to tell her about Ellie and apologize but instead I kissed her. I got really upset about the whole situation and went to a party and got drunk. Darcy was there, this was before Spinner and before her born again days. I barely remember it, but apparently we got pretty close to having sex. I passed out. Manny found out and had thought that we were together and that I cheated on her when really I never wanted her in the first place. It was horrible of me and I feel badly about it but Manny was bad for me and I needed out." Craig says. He had never told the whole story at once before. The only other person who knew it all was Ellie.

"Wow…" Marco says.

"What are you thinking?" Craig asks after a long pause.

"I understand why Manny was so upset now. I wouldn't want to talk about it either." Marco says. It makes him want to go find Manny and hold her because he understands that pain.

"So do you hate me now?" Craig asks.

"No. You've always stood by me and I will stand by you. You ever do this to Ellie I will have you killed." Marco says quite seriously.

"Like I'd even have the chance. I miss her I just… really miss her." He says running a hand through his hair.

"I'll tell her. I'll definitely tell her okay?" Marco says seeing that Craig was genuinely sorry.

"Thank you. I have to go. Thank you so much." He says.

"It's no problem really. Ciao." Marco says hanging up the phone.

I'm sober… so why do I still want her? Ellie thinks to herself holding her pillow and staring into space. She doesn't remember everything about that night but she remembers everything about Alex, every movement she made, and every word that she spoke. She wanted to wrap her arms firmly around Alex's ribcage and feel her body rise against her own. She had never had any desires for a female like this and it terrified her. It says in the bible that homosexuality is wrong and she'd always believed that. She supported those who had made the choice because the bible also says not to judge and to love everyone but it was never for her until Alex Nunez had to come in and ruin everything. She had always been so sure of herself in that area until she was holding Alex in her arms.

She closes her eyes and pushes her emotions into her stomach. It hurts so badly but she won't show it… she is determined not to show it. She drifts into a light and unsettled sleep. Her eyes move back and forth underneath her eyelids as she begins to dream. In her dream she smells smoke. It startles her and she runs down stairs. She realizes that it is the exact same scene as when her mother set the house on fire and she is terrified. She runs instinctively to the kitchen, but there is no fire in there just smoke. She runs all over her house trying to find the fire and her mother. She realizes that she hadn't come from her bedroom and it was the only room that she hadn't checked. She runs up the stairs and sees that her door has 20 locks, each one as large as a bowling ball. Some gold catches her eye and she looks to a chain around her neck. Hanging from the chain is a large, brass, skeleton key. She somehow knows that it is the only one like it. She unlocks them as quickly as possible seeing smoke billowing from under her door. When she flings her door open, the intensity and fear falls away. There is no more smoke. Everything is perfectly clear. Inside the room hanging from everything… snakes. Dully colored snakes are everywhere. When she sees then, she is at peace. They make her happy. She quickly shuts the door behind her and locks it up. She then walks around with a gentle smile admiring the snakes. She pets some of them, letting her fingers glide underneath there shiny chins. Then one of them crawls up her arm. She smiles at it. Then another comes. It bites down on her key and pulls it off of her neck. She reaches over to peel it away but every time that she gets one of them off of her three more climb on. She starts to panic and cry but they won't leave her alone. She doesn't want them but they won't leave her. She hears a lion's roar.

"Help me!" She screams under a blanket of snakes.

Before she even knows what is happening all of the snakes are gone and she is wrapped in the warm paws of the lion. She cries into his fur and she has never felt more soothed before. He drops her key from his mouth and smiles a whiskery smile. She knows what he wants her to do with it…

She lets out a gasp as she sits up and looks around her room. She had almost expected to find snakes hanging all over because the dream felt so real to her. She rubbed her arms to get the scaly feeling off of her. She shudders at the thought. She had never been afraid of snakes before, they had never occurred in her dreams. She was a firm believer in dreams having meaning so she quickly wrote this one down. She went to sleep with one person who wouldn't leave her mind… Alex.

Alex knew that she had to talk to Ellie. She had to talk to her about the drinking, and she also knew that they had to discuss the kissing. She hangs her messenger bag in her locker mind drifting around random topics. She keeps thinking about what she will say to Ellie. She looks up and sees Ellie turn the corner; a smile on her face, red curls bouncing, books held to her chest. She has to bite her bottom lip to suppress a groan. As she walks by, she smiles at her. Alex can hardly hold herself back from her.

"Al." She is startled by Marco's voice.

"What were you looking at?" He asks suspiciously.

"Nothing I was just dazed. Come on." She says with a smile. They head to class and Marco forgets all about it.

After a long day of thinking and working, Alex sits on a bench just outside of the school doors. The sun is just starting to dim casting a brilliant orange light all around. Alex really enjoys this time of day; it's just so pretty. She loves the color orange. She is lost in thought when from the corner of her eye she sees her friends approaching her. Paige's hair shines in the sunlight. Craig's skin glows orange and the light bounces off of Ellie's glossy lips. Marco follows them and Manny hugs him goodbye then gently and shyly smiles and waves at Paige. Paige waves back and they stand looking at each other for a minute and they both smile. Then Manny walks away. Alex smiles at them.

"Hey Alex." A few of them say as they sit on and around the bench. It's another one of those times that she wants to freeze.

She scans the faces of her friends. Craig, the funniest boy that she knew. Marco, The boy with a golden heart. Jimmy, so strong and so courageous. Paige, the one that's out of reach. And then Ellie, the girl who had grabbed her hand…

"Ellie, I really need to talk to you." Alex says. Ellie smiles and leans her body closer to Alex.

"Let's go get lost." She says with a slight smile.

They walk away hand in hand. Everyone looks up wondering where they are going, but no one says anything. They couldn't have told them where they were going anyway because they didn't know themselves. They just felt safe and happy walking with no destination and no expectations. Alex's skin tingled every time Ellie touched her though it wasn't even intentional. They were just walking so close that from time to time their legs would graze each other. They stop when they are in town and in front of an older looking brick tattoo parlor. They walk into the narrow ally next to it and Alex leans against the wall.

"I really needed to talk to you. Mainly about the drinking thing. I shouldn't have let you drink and I won't let you again. I'm sorry that I let my stuff affect you like that." Alex says.

"Is that all you wanted to talk about?" Ellie asks.

"Well I was wondering about… us. And how you were feeling now that you're sober." Alex doesn't get to finish. Ellie just smiles and puts her mouth on Alex's.

She presses every inch of her body against Alex pressuring her into the building. Alex licks her lips begging for entrance. Ellie opens her mouth and their mouth dance together in a dance that only they know the steps to. Alex wrapped her arms around Ellie's waist pulling her even closer. Their senses heightened, they could hear every sound, smell every scent, see all the colors and feel every move as though it was the very first time. All that they wanted in that moment was each other and they didn't care what anyone else thought. Ellie felt herself falling away from everything that she once believed because, if this was so wrong, then how could it feel so right?


	10. The Truth About Tim's Hair

Not Gonna Wait For You Forever

Chapter Ten: The Truth About Tim's Hair

"Oh sick hockey" Marco says turning the channel quickly.

He left his group of friends early to do absolutely nothing. He just couldn't be happy anymore. All that he wanted to do was sleep, watch TV, and work on his character. He grew more and more excited about playing Angel everyday and it was pretty much the only thing that kept him going. Deep down he knew what was happening but he is much too proud and stubborn to admit it. He had a secret that no one knew. He was really good at hiding it. Not even Manny or Ellie could tell this one.

………………………………………………………………………..

Alex's fingertips pressed into Ellie's sides and pulled her aggressively closer to her. Ellie pulled her mouth away for just a moment just to scan over Alex's face with a look of desire, and then she devoured her with a new ferocity. Ellie suddenly bites down on Alex's lip causing her to lose her breath with a hungry grown. Ellie's tongue then traces a trail from her lips to the nape of her neck, which she begins to massage with her skin with her mouth. Alex's hand begins to pull at Ellie's hair and her nails tickle her scalp as she tries not to go over the edge with Ellie's advances. Ellie finally pulls away placing one more gentle kiss on Alex's mouth.

"Now that I'm sober…" Ellie starts, she then puts her mouth right on Alex's ear.

"I want you bad." She whispers, her breath tickling Alex's ear.

……………………………………………………………………………

"Where did they go?" Paige asks. She wonders why they had to hold hands just to go talk.

"It's no big deal, you said that they had to talk didn't you?" Jimmy says.

"Yeah, they've just been gone for a long time." Paige says with a mix of pout and concern.

"Were they holding hands?" Craig asks. He has the same look that Paige does, curiosity mixed with jealousy.

"Yeah they definitely were. And it didn't seem like a normal comforting thing." Jimmy says.

Craig and Paige lock eyes and their shared concern is evident. Deep down they now that something is going on. She runs a hand through her blonde mane and sighs softly. What was happening? Alex had completely denied being a lesbian to her. She made fun of that sort of thing most of the time. Ellie just broke up with Craig and she had always been really confident in that area. She reaches over and cups Craig's hand.

"It will be okay sweetie." She says unable to look at him because she knew that she was lying. She squeezes his hand and then stands and walks away, not saying goodbye to anyone. She gets in her car and wipes a single tear away, and then drives home.

……………………………………………………………………………

Hand in hand they walk down the street. They are smiling, not even caring who sees. They don't have to say anything to have a nice time. They are just in completely comfortable silence. It's here that Alex doesn't have to think about the girl that she can't have. It is here that Ellie doesn't have to think about the boy that broke her heart. Things aren't complicated here. Things make sense here, because they don't even have to think here they just have to… be.

…………………………………………………………………………

"I'm not letting you just lay here by yourself. We have practice tomorrow. Come on, be excited!" Manny says grabbing his hands and pulling on him. He doesn't budge.

"I am excited, this is me being excited can't you tell?" He says flashing a clearly forced fake smile.

"Marco, come on. This can't be good for you." she says.

"I don't care. I don't care at all anymore" He says not looking up from the TV.

"You didn't get the role of Angel with that attitude and you certainly aren't going to keep both of them." She says. This affects him slightly but he still does not move.

"There's only this, only tonight forget regret or life is yours to miss no day but today…" She sings. Her voice has clearly gotten much better with her hours of practice, she can belt it out powerfully now. He is impressed and shocked inside but doesn't show anything on his face.

"It isn't all that bad!" Manny says looking deep into him. He turns his head aggressively, almost exploding with anger

"Not that bad!? It's not that bad?! You want to know the truth? I never loved Tim! Not until he grew his curly hair out and bleached it! Because that is when he was finally comparable to Dylan, and yet it was never the same! I love Dylan, I still do I always have! But he messed it all up. I just can't stop loving him. Every time we are apart I hate him with everything in me, and then I see him. I see him and it's all back to normal. Every feeling, every moment comes back and I'm swept away every single time. That's the truth about how bad it is, that's the truth about Tim's hair!" He yells. Manny is shocked. She doesn't know what to say.

"Marco, I had no idea… I'm so sorry. Come here." She says extending her arms to him. He hugs her tightly.

"Thank you for being here Manny, I'm sorry that I yelled. It's not you… it's him." He says.

"Let's go run some lines." He says.

"Alright Angel." She says smiling at him.

…………………………………………………………………………….

"Mom?" Paige calls out seeing most of the lights are out. She walks upstairs with a curious look on her face. She hears crying from her mother's room. She rushes in and sees her sitting on the edge of her bed, weeping into her hands.

"Mom, what's wrong?" She says running to her. She sits beside her on the bed. Her mother removes her hands from her face revealing a bruise at the right corner of her mouth and a slightly swollen eye. Paige's eyes open wide with shock.

"Oh my god mom! What happened?" She exclaims, cupping her mother's face carefully in her gentle hands assessing the damage.

"Your dad. He didn't mean to. He wanted money and I asked him to stay the whole night tonight. I touched his back and he just wanted me to move back but instead I hit my face on the coffee table. He felt bad and tried to help me but I was mad and I yelled so he left. I think he went to the bar." Her mom says. It makes Paige sick to see her mom justifying this for her father.

"That's so wrong! This isn't your fault," she says wrapping her arms around her mom's trembling frame.

"Don't be so hard on him…" Her mother says.

"Don't be so hard on _him_?! He hit you mom! He's an alcoholic and the only reason that he's a part of our lives is to support his habit! I've tried to forgive him but this is it I'm done. I'm not going to forgive him, I'm not going to love him, I'm not even going to try. He is as good as dead to me!" She screams storming out of the room. She gets to her room and slams the door as hard as she can behind her. She falls to her knees screaming.

"I hate you! I hate you!" She yells with all of the power that she can to the father who will never be there to listen.


	11. Crash

Not Gonna Wait For You Forever

Chapter Eleven:

In her dream she smells smoke. It startles her and she runs down stairs. She realizes that it is the exact same scene as when her mother set the house on fire and she is terrified. She runs instinctively to the kitchen, but there is no fire in there just smoke. She runs all over her house trying to find the fire and her mother. She realizes that she hadn't come from her bedroom and it was the only room that she hadn't checked. She runs up the stairs and sees that her door has 20 locks, each one as large as a bowling ball. Something gold catches her eye and she looks to a chain around her neck. Hanging from the chain is a large, brass, skeleton key. She somehow knows that it is the only one like it. She unlocks them as quickly as possible seeing smoke billowing from under her door. When she flings her door open, the intensity and fear falls away. There is no more smoke. Everything is perfectly clear. Inside the room hanging from everything… snakes. Dully colored snakes are everywhere. When she sees them, she is at peace. They make her happy. She quickly shuts the door behind her and locks it up. She then walks around with a gentle smile admiring the snakes. She pets some of them, letting her fingers glide underneath there shiny chins. Then one of them crawls up her arm. She smiles at it. Then another comes. It bites down on her key and pulls it off of her neck. She reaches over to peel it away but every time that she gets one of them off of her three more climb on. She starts to panic and cry but they won't leave her alone. She doesn't want them but they won't leave her. She hears a lion's roar.

"Help me!" She screams under a blanket of snakes.

Before she even knows what is happening all of the snakes are gone and she is wrapped in the warm paws of the lion. She cries into his fur and she has never felt more soothed before. He drops her key from his mouth and smiles a whiskery smile.

She gasps as she wakes from the dream again. She grips her head and closes her eyes tightly trying to bring herself back to reality. Why was she having this dream? What did it mean? She lies back down and thinks of Alex and then for some unknown reason… she misses Craig.

…………………………………………………………………………………..

"Can I stay here tonight?" Manny asks after they have established that they both have watched RENT way to many times and never had to look at the script on any part.

"I guess why?" He asks.

"Things are just tense at home. I can't let on that I'm going to be acting; I can't be free at all in the house. It's just better for me here tonight." She says.

"Then of course you can stay." He says putting a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"I'm always glad to have you here." He says as he lies on his bed starring at the ceiling.

"I'm always glad to be with you." She says. She looks at him lying there with his hands cushioning his head. He's wearing a tight white t-shirt, perfectly fit mud-washed jeans, and a cute black and red knit beanie. His dark smooth skin was lit by moonlight coming in through his window and a few candles on his headboard. His hair curled from under his hat. He was the image of perfection.

"Can you hold me tonight?" She asks crawling onto the bed. He smiles and opens one arm. She grins back at him and settles onto his arm, resting her head into the crook of his shoulder putting a hand on his chest. They had planned on getting ready for bed and moving later, but it was just so comfortable that they didn't want to move. So they didn't all night.

……………………………………………………………………………..

Paige begins to dig through the things under her bed… Where is it… I know it's here somewhere… she thinks to herself. Then she finds the light pink memory box. It almost scares her, as though she it had been a myth and now that she knows it is true she is startled. She shakes it off and tears the top off. Inside is every memory of her father that she has. Pictures, ticket stubs, a small teddy bear, double mint wrappers, a leather bracelet all reside within the box. She stares at it for a moment and dumps it on her floor. She shreds every last thing. She doesn't want anything left of him. For years she had tried to blame anyone else that she could, she had tried to believe that he would come around and rescue her but no more. She could not wait for him anymore.

"Why can't you be who I need?" she says, her voice a mere whisper. She has completely exhausted herself. She curls around the rubble of her past. She lies in the fetal position and cries. She cries for everything that her life has become and closes her eyes not planning to open them for a long time.

…………………………………………………………………………….

The world looks different once you've made the decision. Even more so as you carry it out. He hadn't anticipated the pain in his lips, his eyes, his scalp. He felt free though, freer than he had since he had tasted sweet cherries. Everything began to turn blue and it intrigued him. Things began to flash in his mind. They were like pictures and video clips more than normal thoughts. He saw the nurse with the crocodile tattoo. He saw the look on his dad's face the last time that they saw each other. He saw the red haired maiden behind the drum set. He saw the angel of the keyboard. He saw Paige's reassuring smile as he passed her in the hall. He saw his little sister on his stepfather's shoulders laughing. He saw himself laying on a couch, cigarette between his lips and guitar on his lap. He saw a flower through the lens of a camera. Then… he saw nothing.

"Oh my god Craig!" Jeremiah exclaims running to the aid of his son, tears instantly run from his eyes.

He pulls out his pocketknife and saws at the sheet wrapped around his throat. Craig's shirtless, pale limp body falls to the shower floor. Jeremiah sets him up and begins CPR frantically. He lost this boys mother, and he wasn't about to lose him too. He had been through so much for him, and he loved him like a son… he was his son. Craig's blue lips startled him.

"Oh God, please no…" He says through tears as he pressed on his son's chest.


	12. Bright Eyes

Not Gonna Wait For You Forever

Chapter Twelve: Bright Eyes

_How can I miss what was never really there?_ she thinks to herself. She holds her eyes shut tightly trying to force herself back to sleep so that she won't have to think about any of it. She smiles when she thinks of Alex's touch. Her hands are smooth and beautiful. Forget Craig. Forget him forever.

………………………………………………………………………………….

She stands on weak and sore legs and walks to the bathroom. She looks in the mirror and is appalled. Her cheeks are ash grey from mascara. Under and above her eyes are tiny speckles of bruises, the kind you get from coughing or in her case crying to hard. Her hair has knots on one side where she had laid all night. Her eyes were still bloodshot. She didn't want to look like this because of that man. She undresses and turns the shower on. She washes repeatedly, not wanting her appearance to show that her father had ever existed. Once she has decided that she is clean enough she gets out and hurriedly dresses in a light pink t-shirt and faded jeans. She puts in her earrings and applies a little extra makeup around her eyes to cover her crying bruises. She brushes her hair and runs some gel through it. She looks at herself. They will all see a perfect high school beauty queen. She still sees the same scared little girl wishing that her father would love her. She doesn't feel that way. Where was he when she was raped? Where was he when Spinner cheated? Where was he last night? She doesn't care anymore… she just doesn't care.

……………………………………………………………………………………..

"Good morning sunshine." He says quietly. He is perfectly warmed by the sun through the glass of his windowpane and the body of Manny Santos. He knows that if they are ever going to get ready for school than he has to get up now, but he doesn't want to.

"Mmm… not yet." She mumbles tiredly. They didn't move an inch all night.

"If we're going to get ready, we need to get up." He says, not making a move.

"Then I'm not going." She smiles still not opening her eyes.

"How fast can you get ready?" he asks.

"Ten minutes, all I need is ten minutes." She says.

"I can handle that." He says and closes his eyes again.

She thinks about the fact that he smells like cinnamon and fresh cut grass. He thinks about how she smells like pineapple and lotus flowers. She makes him feel like a man like no one else in the world can. He feels strong when he wraps his arms around her, because he is the only one who she has trusted to shield her from the world. She could have run to Jimmy, they were pretty good friends for a while. She could have run to that soccer player, or any of the other guys lining up to hold her, but she chose Marco.

"I'm going to keep you safe." He says. He thought she had fallen back asleep.

"I know. I trust you." She whispers drowsily. He is almost startled. He smiles.

…………………………………………………………………………..

"Mr. Jeremiah, did you hear me?" Dr. Peterson asks.

"What?" He asks snapping back into the conversation. He had been staring into the hospital room at his son.

"He's going to be okay. He isn't in a coma; his body is just exhausted. His oxygen wasn't cut off long enough to cause any brain damage. He should wake up sometime in the next couple days. His throat is a little swollen, so he'll find it hard to talk for a little while and he shouldn't until he is fully healed but he's going to be okay… physically." Dr. Peterson says.

"Oh thank God… what do I do? I mean, am I supposed to put him in a psych ward? He'd hate that, what if that makes him worse, I don't want him to think that I am abandoning him." Joey starts rambling.

"I would definitely suggest it, but you don't have to worry about it just yet. Just take care of him however you can and we'll worry about all of that later." Dr. Peterson says putting a comforting hand on Joey's shoulder. Joey stays staring through the window. How was he supposed to make a decision like that?

…………………………………………………………………………………….

Alex was lying on her bed. She had nothing better to do. It was two in the morning, so she couldn't exactly go see anyone. She had just closed her eyes when she heard her door creak open. She opened her eyes and about an inch from her face was Paige. She sat up slightly to talk, but Paige's finger pressed to her lips before she could.

"Shhh… just lay down." Paige whispers.

Alex obeys, body shaking with nerves. She lets Paige lay her down and watches as she climbs onto the bed to straddle her. Paige looks down at her and smiles. Alex reaches up and caresses her soft face. Paige slowly leans down and presses her lips to Alex's in an engulfing kiss.

Alex's heart beats so hard that she wakes from her wonderful dream. She can still feel the warmth of her golden haired maiden on her body as though she had actually been there. She pulls her thin sheet up to her chin and keeps her eyes shut tightly. _This isn't fair to Ellie. _ She thinks to herself as she drifts back to sleep only to have the same dream.

……………………………………………………………………………

Ellie stands a bit shaky on her feet. She is exhausted. She didn't sleep solidly all night. She grabs a long-sleeved black shirt and some jeans on her way to the bathroom. She quickly dresses and curls her hair. She does her makeup and brushes her teeth. She walks up to her mother's room. She hasn't moved since the night before. She leans on the doorframe and gently knocks. Her mother groans and her eyes become tiny slits.

"What." She says plainly.

"I'm going to school." Ellie says.

"And?" She grumbles into the pillow.

"Just wanted to let you know, and to say bye." Ellie says, beginning to be hurt by her mother's words.

"Okay." Her mom barely makes noise as though speaking to her daughter was both to taxing and irritating for her time.

"I love you." Ellie says throat tightening slightly.

Her mother rolls over without saying a word. Ellie nods as though to gesture that it was only appropriate and walks away, not allowing a tear to fall. She throws her black messenger bag over her should, grabs her keys off the table and heads to school. She just wanted to see Alex; it was the only thing that was driving her on. She was scared before about everyone at school knowing but her morning was just bad enough that she didn't care. All that she wanted was to be in Alex's arms. Even though Alex had always been there, she still almost expected her to ignore her once she walked in. It was what she was used to. Why should Alex be any different? To her it was the issue of her significant other not showing they cared, but it was an issue of her not being good enough. Her mother had shown it, Marco had shown it, Sean had shown it, and everyone knows that Craig showed it. Now it was just Alex's turn.

…………………………………………………………………..

"Manny sweetie, we have exactly ten minutes." Marco says.

"Ugh. Alright… I guess." She says opening her eyes. They feel as though they are glued shut. She pulls herself away from Marco's warmth and a chill runs over her. She gets out of bed and gets ready in about five minutes. She is done before Marco.

"Your beauty is natural… I hate you." He says, looking at her with mock disgust.

"You're pretty beautiful yourself Mr. Del Rossi." Manny says with a smile watching him get ready.

"I've decided something." He says more to the mirror than to Manny.

"What's that?" She asks.

"I'm going to go talk to Dylan. He may have screwed up but I love him, I think that we can work it out." He says. Manny's heart sank slightly. She was growing so protective of him.

"I guess that it's your decision to make but I've seen how much he hurt you. I'm telling you now that I don't like it, but if it makes you happy, then I'll be happy for you." She says.

"I guess that's all I can ask." He says sitting on the edge of his bed pulling his Doc Marten's on.

"Both of us ready in ten minutes," He says putting an arm around her and tossing his keys in the air to catch them again "Not bad Santos."

……………………………………………………………………………

"Hey babes." Paige says with a smile leaning on Marco's shoulder. She had seen Jimmy sitting there, but hadn't seen Manny. Her face sunk a little, not intentionally but at seeing her all she can think of is her birthday.

"Hi Paige." Manny says quietly not expecting anything in return.

"Hi Manny." Paige says. They make eye contact for the first time since the incident, and there is some mutual connection. It doesn't mean that they are friends; it doesn't mean that they're going to exchange Christmas cards anytime soon, but it does mean that things may be okay between them. They both smile and nod slightly as though to tell each other that it was mutual.

"How are you sweets?" Marco asks puckering, her cheek meeting his lips.

"I'm doing really good." She says.

They all continue talking, Paige smiles, she laughs, she speaks without hesitation. She thought that she had them fooled. But someone noticed. Someone noticed her knee bobbing erratically. Someone noticed that her eyes were swollen. Someone noticed that her smile didn't match her eyes. She almost pulled it off… but someone noticed.

………………………………………………………………………..

Joey looks at Craig and wants to wake him up. His eyes are darting under his eyelids. His mouth twitches slightly. His brain wave meter is moving more than it has the whole time. He knows that he must be dreaming.

"What are you seeing big guy…" He whispers with concern as he grabs his hand.

Craig walks into and old run down theatre. No one is there. He walks past an old concession stand and into the theatre part. He sits down and looks around him. Everything is rusty and falling apart. No one else is there. He looks confused and awkward. Suddenly a movie begins to play on the screen. He leans back in the chair resting his ankle on his knee and settles in.

The first thing that he sees is himself at the age of two trying to run around the yard on chubby baby legs. He laughs at himself wearing nothing but bib shorts on a bright summer day. He runs through a sprinkler and laughs on the screen. The film looks like it is from the 50's, all grainy, choppy and fuzzy. Next he sees Manny ice-skating. He may not have really been in love with her, but he never found her more beautiful than when she ice-skated. He smiles gently at the memory. Next he sees his dad. First when he was a kid and they were so close. He's holding onto his hands and spinning him through the air. He smiles and laughs at this memory. He concludes that he is watching a movie of his good memories. He sees his mom sitting in their old living room. She smiles and opens her arms to him. He runs to her and crawls into her lap. Sitting in the theatre he can still remember how warm she felt. It makes him miss her more than he has in years, which is truly saying something. He wonders if the movie will ever end.

……………………………………………………………………………

Ellie walks in and shoves her bag into her locker. She normally would grab a notebook, pen, and earth/space science book but she didn't feel like it today. She knew all of the stuff already. She walks down the hall, turns left and then right. Alex is leaning against a locker by herself. Ellie approaches her with low expectations. Alex cocks her head to the side slightly with a perplexed concerned look. Ellie finally reaches her and stops.

"What's wrong baby?" She asks softly opening her arms to her. Ellie is shocked.

She lets her body lean into Alex's. Alex wraps her arms around her and Ellie feels loved. It had been quite a long time since she had truly felt that way. She had a horrible habit of falling in love with people who didn't know how to show it. Was this different? Was Alex _really_ different? Was the problem them, or her?

"Nothing anymore." Ellie says smiling slightly.

"I'm glad to be holding you. Are you okay with everyone knowing?" Alex whispers in her ear.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." She says smiling up at the girl and placing a soft kiss on her mouth.

She knew that everyone was looking, she could feel it, but she didn't care. Alex was worth it to Ellie, and Ellie was worth it for Alex.

"Alex?" The soft voice came from behind Ellie.

……………………………………………………………………….

It was fifteen minutes until the bell would ring and as Marco and Jimmy leave talking, Paige smiles in satisfaction. Her façade had worked according to plan. She grabbed her white backpack and beings to walk inside. Someone grabs her arm, which visibly startles her.

"Paige, wait." Manny says.

"What's up?" She asks turning, shocked at who had stopped her.

"What's wrong?" Manny said after a bit of a pause. She had tried to think of something big to say, but this was all that came.

"What are you even talking about?" Paige says calmly, though inside she was panicking.

"Something's wrong. I can tell, you aren't yourself today." Manny says. She realizes that she looks ridiculous now but she wouldn't have been able to live with herself if she had let Paige go on.

"I'm fine really." Paige says.

"Maybe you don't want to talk to me but you should talk to someone, Marco or your brother. I don't know I'm just worried I guess." She says. She sounds almost as awkward as she feels.

"Well… don't." Paige says walking into the building. As she does she is shocked.

……………………………………………………………………….

Alex looks around Ellie to see Paige and her heart skips a beat. She isn't sure what the look on Paige's face means. Paige always has been pretty hard to read. Ellie turns and sees her standing there and for some reason she feels like she shouldn't be touching Alex. She isn't sure why but the way that Paige is looking at her is pretty intense.

"I think we need to talk." Paige says trying not to let the tears sting her eyes.

"Yeah I guess so." Alex smiles. She turns to Ellie.

"I'll see you in class okay?" She says kissing her again before walking over to Paige.

"Walk with me." Alex says.

Seeing the look in Paige's bright eyes Ellie begins to realize… Paige is in love with Alex…


End file.
